False Masculinity Part 2 and Anthony Murdock

We live in a society where men aren't allowed to show their emotions in public. It's against the "Man-law" to show emotion and compassion. It is frowned upon if a man sheds tears during a emotionally trying times or in times of great joy and jubilation. I do not subscribe to that line of thinking.

We all have been raised and nurtured by our parents and have been taught lessons of love. We are all "mama's boys" in one way or another. (Why do you see athletes saying "Hi mom!" when they are on TV?) Our mothers take care of us when we are sick, they cook for us, they help us with homework, they get us to our games and practices and teach us compassion.

But somewhere in the timeline of life, society has passed it onto men that it is not cool to show compassion or even worse, you are weak if you shed a tear. We play football and we have to be macho-men and tough it out. Society asks us to disconnect our heart from our mind.

I am teaching our players the opposite. Please understand, I do not advocate the whiny temper tantrum outbursts type of crying. I still expect our players to be mentally and physically tough. What I am saying is that in times where emotions touch your heart, don't turn that emotion off. It is part of your make-up as a person and a man.

I am a very emotional person. I am compassionate about what I do with my life, with my family and at my work. The Freshman Head Coach at Hilltop, Mike Sweet, is a former assistant of mine. He calls me Dick Vermeil (former NFL coach of the Eagles, Rams and Chiefs) because I get very emotional when I talk to my players. I admit it. When it comes to matters of the heart, my voice cracks, tears well up and I cry. It is part of my make-up as a person. It doesn't make me any less of a man.

I let our players know it's OK to feel these emotions. It's OK to feel matters of the heart. It's OK to show compassion. These are not signs of weakness in a man. Instead, these are signs of strength from within. We are teaching our players to love one another. Our goals for our players are long term. What kind of son will he be? What kind of loving husband and father will he be? Will he be a productive member in society? I lead by example and our players see it all first hand.

Yesterday, about 30 players and parents got together to visit Anthony Murdoch at his home to present him with the poster we made and signed. But before we left to go to the Murdock home, I gave our players a lesson about connecting the heart and mind. I spoke to them about emotions and compassion and they all listened closely to what I was preaching to them. They all looked me in the eye as I explained to them about 'False Masculinity' and tears welled up in my eyes as I became emotional about Anthony.

We loaded up the cars with players and headed to the Murdock home. We met Anthony's father, Rob Murdock outside the home. We formulated a plan to surprise Anthony. All he knew was that some of the coaches were going to stop by and see him. He had no idea players and parents were going to be there.

Coaches Pankow, Bushardt, Armenta and I went into the house to see Anthony. His face lit up and I could see he was happy to see us. We spoke about how he was doing and we spoke about the pain he was in.

About a minute into our conversation, our players got together in the Murdock front yard and began clapping to begin the "Patriot jumping jacks". I opened the front door and Anthony could see out into the front yard where his team was. The look on his face was priceless. First was shock, followed by surprise ending tears of joy.

It was a very emotional presentation and all that were present were touched. It was a small token of our appreciation for all that Anthony has to go through. Rob Murdock wanted to thank all the coaches, players and parents for coming by. He was touched by our concern for his son.

I want to thank all the parents that helped out in transportation to Anthony's house. I also want to thank Annemarie Lococo-Mineo taking photos of the visit and her brother Nick Lococo for posting them on the web for us. I have attached the web site below for you all to see the photos.

http://gallery.me.com/nicklococophoto#100064